I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
