He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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