If that was your dad, he is hot
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
