1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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