I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
