At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
ugly people sure do ruin things
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
