he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
