I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
