Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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