i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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