We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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