we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
