If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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