I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
