I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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