I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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