Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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