adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
