I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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