I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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