You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
