we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
