I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
