I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
