I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
