I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
