i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize