Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
