please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
