yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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