Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
What a dumb baby whore.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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