Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize