Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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