It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
