I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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