just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
