and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
