WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
