That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
