Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
