Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
