Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
