well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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