He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
