Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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