I hate all girls vehemently.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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