that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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