you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
