So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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