if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
