see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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