I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
