don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
