My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I am one with the molecules
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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