maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
