I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
