Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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