You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
