there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
