I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
we're so committed to being not committed
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
