I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
