His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
