i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
