I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
