Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
