Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize