i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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