I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
