I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize