She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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