I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
