he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
