Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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