She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
