I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just made out with a guy for $7.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
