Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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