I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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