Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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