Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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