The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
