im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
