you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
