And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
