I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
