i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
