Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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