I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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