I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
