I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
