So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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