How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
