I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
