Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
