Define "chronic" masturbator.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
