just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
