I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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