i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
