I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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