is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
