wakey wakey hands off snakey
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
