I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
