if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
