apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
