yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
