I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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