Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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