When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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