Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
