ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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